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Husband left 2 days ago-christian marriage?
Question : Husband left 2 days ago-christian marriage?
I have a husband who has been in the USA since age 15 and is a citizen. He was a workaholic and self employed until we got married. We moved to a new state, then I told him to work from home and take it easy since we could make it on one income. We have known each other for 10 years and have been married for 4. He has always had social issues, but I accepted him the way he was. He hesitated to marry me, bec. he said, he knew how he was. I realized he had some issues and was willing to accept them provided we worked together on whatever we both needed to learn in the relationship. He raised a son alone from his previous married, due to an unfaithful wife who died after having the child. However, he keeps running back to his country to stay with him mom whenever he is upset about anything. He grew up in severe poverty and his mom remains this way. I invited her to come live with us, but he tells me I may mistreat her. Most of the time it’s my son who has a high functioning form of autism and isn’t his bio. father. To make a long story short this is the 3rd time in 15 months that has done this and says, I need a break and have no patience for you or your son. Then he grabs his bag, which has only bare necessities and leaves all other items in the house. When we got married 4 years ago, he didn’t want anything at all in our names together. At first he was helping me with a business from home, while I went to work everyday. He calls everything my house, my accounts, my money, when it’s suppose to be ours together. First he said it was bec. he had bad credit, then he said he wanted it to be easy for me when I didn’t want him anymore. He only has one credit card and didn’t even spend money on himself. Not even for foods he wanted. The second time he left abruptly, he called from the airport crying. I told him to come home, but he kept going despite the fact that the night before I was chasing him to come back, bec. I was worried about him, and in the process lost our baby to a miscarriage. When I told him to come back, he kept coming. Then he wanted to come back to work it all out. We went several places for counseling, including a christian retreat that was over 100 hours. He seemed to be angry when I shared my feelings and personal counseling failed since the counselor’s couldn’t get him to share and recieve feelings. As soon as the course was over, he left again. He tells me I am not happy with him, despite the fact that he makes me so happy. I’ve never cursed at him, cheated him, or asked him to leave. I feel so bad that he is doing this. I love him adn want to complete the commitment I made to God in church when I married him. The day he left, he called me from NY right before he got on his international flight. He was crying and so was I. I told him to come home, but he said he had to go to work. There is no job for him over there, but he says he has better communication skills with the people there and feels out of place asking people here. He said, it shouldn’t take more than 6 months, he doesn’t think. I know this sounds dumb, but he is the most attentive, loving man in the world. He is great help at home, but doesn’t speak to my son. My son does have a behavior problem, and if he gets too mean with him, I object. He doesn’t however worry about him and helps with custodial things. My fear is that I am becoming a yo-yo and being eaten up by what feels like an emotional cancer. When I come home from work, I never know if I will find him there. I am far from perfect, since I can be a nag, sometimes complain, and have been a grouch at times. Any ideas?
christian credit card counseling
Best answer:
Answer by Bluto Blutarsky71
“He calls everything my house, my accounts, my money, when it’s suppose to be ours together.”
obviously he doesn’t want it that way and if he doesn’t want it that way then it isn’t- that really doesn’t make any difference because people don’t stay (or shouldn’t stay together) for a house or bank accounts, if he wants to keep accounts seperate that is his choice, and in this day and age it is actually smarter.
however, that has nothing to do with your real problem.
the real problem here is that he is emotionally unstable and you have a child with special needs- raising an autistic child is no small feat.
heap on top of that that your husband is pushed away by that and that your husband sounds like he himself is emotionally unstable you are faced with a nearly impossible task if you remain with him.
quite honestly, it sounds like he is causing you more mental strife than you need- if you did not have an autistic child the picture would be the same, but i might be less adamant about what i’m going to say because you also have to think about your child’s welfare here too. and he is not a normal child.
in all honesty i don’t see this as a tenable situation, parents of autistic children have enough stress as it is that they need to support each other- it sounds like here he is not providing you with that emotional support because he is the one who needs yours.
i’m not saying he is a bad guy- especially if he has an emotional problem that is psycological in nature (for all you know he could be bi-polar or clinically depressed), it is just the way it is and i fear that your best bet is to separate and distance yourself from him for your own sake and your child’s who will need your love and emotional commitment as he gets older and it will be more not less difficult dealing with autism.
you have made a considerable effort and no one in thier right mind can blame you for getting a divorce.
if people want to sit and cite the bible or some similar mythological book for a source of what you should do i would remind you that autism and mental health issues were not seen as diseases or conditions to be treated, the people who had them were likely killed outright or banished because people would have believed them to be possessed.
modern science and knowledge has advanced to the point that we don’t treat people by cutting and bleeding them with leeches in order to heal them or “remove evil spirits”- so relying on a book at a time when people did is not a rational source for decision making when faced with issues they had no real knowledge of at the time.
best of luck to you and my the Flying Spaghetti Monster bless you and your son with his noodly appendages,
RAmen.
1 – I’m not sure I would tell everyone. the thing is it isn’t the entire world’s business. I think you can get support and prayer support without telling everyone all the details. You can ask people to pray for your marriage – you don’t have to tell them every little detail. They don’t need to know. I don’t think it is good for a woman to go around telling everyone all of her husband’s faults. He’s going to feel disrespected and it’s going to make matters worse, not better.
#2 – I think you need to learn how men are different than women. A woman when she’s hurting goes and tell the whole world (i.e. what you are doing here.. – telling the whole world..) and when a man is hurting he totally withdraws. a woman is instantly connected to her feeligns but a man who is hurting needs to withdraw so he can think. think and sort and think and sort and think and sort and then feel. I really think if the guy is stressed out what he needs is go fishing for a week and then think about is life and what an idiot and a coward he’s been and realize what he has… right now he can’t get away from the stress – stress everywhere – he’s got stress at home and work and everything and he’s probably just needing to get away – I’m not sure he’s wanting to get away from you really it’s all the pressure. Trying to force him into counseling probably isn’t going to help him. He needs to Decompress. Most women will talk about counseling – well counseling helps women and it does little good for a man. A man needs stress relief – he needs to do nothing, less stress and less pressure just to regain his bearings. He needs a physical outlet for his tension – like exercise or physical work. It’d be better for him to do something physical. Do you see what I’m saying. A man isn’t a woman.
#3 don’t go around telling all the women in the world they’ll just tell you to leave him and that’s silliness – marriage is a commitment.
#4 – it takes a lot of prayer. go to as many places where you can get anonymous prayer and try to put in prayer requests for yourself. If you need to go to a pastor then go – just try to keep it fairly confidential.
#5 showing respect to him is probably going to be helpful.
#6 – honestly I don’t have any answers at all, I really don’t know at all and I’ll pray that you can be reconciled..