Question : What’s the best way for a 32 year old guy like me to meet a nice woman? I’m tired of the bar scene. Advice?
A little background: I just earned my 2nd undergrad degree after years of going to school pursuing “a dream” that I thought I wanted, traveling/studying/working abroad, and finally finding a direction that I feel that is more of a fit. Going back to undergrad when I was around 27 years old, I was already a lot older than my classmates. At first I was worried I wouldn’t make that many friends, but it became a blessing in the long run because I’ve made some good friends and they didn’t care that I was several years older. I’m also very athletic, funny, and morally respectful to everyone. Not to sound vain, but I’m a decent looking guy who looks a lot younger than I am. While in school I’ve had chances to date younger women but I didn’t feel comfortable with it so I never pursued anything. So now I feel that I’m in a strange position in life. Now that I’m out of school AGAIN, I feel like I’m older than most of the regular college grads and so I can’t relate to them, especially some friends who still like to party. At the same time I don’t feel that I relate to others my age who are already into their careers, are married, have children, etc. So I feel like I’m in a strange position in life, sort of like in a social limbo. Add to this, I have financial debt from school loans. Going to school for as long as I have, I’ve accrued a good amount to where I’m ashamed of it, even though my brother has told me that I shouldn’t be ashamed because it’s school debt, at least, and not like credit card foolishness. But I feel like added to my age, and the fact that I am just starting a career in my field (fortunately I’m in the process of finding a job with this economic crisis so to speak), that having school loan debt will keep me from meeting a loving, quality woman who will want to be with me. I feel like if I found my direction earlier in life that I wouldn’t have a problem now. I sincerely feel (and maybe I’m skewed in my reasoning) that women my age or close are looking for a guy who can take care of them financially — whether they admit or not. I would do anything to take care of my future wife and family, but I feel like I’m being held back because of these things. I don’t know what to do, and I’m at the point in life where I’m struggling to be positive and to simply do the best that I can in life, and to not worry. I suppose there’s no point in complaining. I feel like it’s difficult for me to find a woman that is my age and fits the criteria that I need (beautiful, wonderful smile, positive attitude, takes care of her body, is physically active, has a good job, and is always wanting to learn in life, just like me). Seems like the old adage that “all the good ones are taken” seems true. Am I deceiving myself into thinking that all the quality women now are being snatched and taken “off the shelves” by guys who have started earlier than me and are getting the attention of all the smart, beautiful ladies. I know there are some women who could be in the same position as me: pursuing their direction in life even if it means a lot of risk and not meeting someone right away. I know there are women like this out there but I haven’t found them. I don’t want to sound shallow in any way because I have my own faults, but I’ve been told I have high standards in looking for a woman, which everyone should have. I mean, if I didn’t have certain criteria in a wife, then they should just be “friends.” It’s that special woman that is going to capture my heart. I want to embrace her and love her and to feel love. I want to be able to share my dreams with her. I guess in the position in life now, I’m a lot lonelier than I thought. In the meantime, I’ve been making myself a better person — a better “candidate” for this type of lady — so to speak. I’ve been reading more books for leisure, taking up new activities, learning how to dance, lifting weights, running, yoga, keeping up to date in my field of study (graphic design and photography), eating better, cooking and trying to learn a new recipe each week, trying to sleep better, improving personal habits, learning how to be financially responsible, and drinking lots of water. There’s so much in life that I want to do. While I was “finding a direction” I’ve had to opportunity to travel and see the world. At least this is something I can talk about and relate with to a girl. To try to sum this (too) long of a story “short,” I feel alone here. I don’t have anybody to talk to and I don’t want to turn into one of those freaks who become hermits and gain a beer belly. I’m probably the most open minded guy you’ll meet. Being of an “ethnic” background, I know how it feels to be on the “outside,” so I believe this is what helps me to be more sensitive to others. To those who took the patience to thoroughly read and even relate to me, thank you. I’m not sure what kind of advice I’m asking for — maybe I’m just venting. Maybe I need to find a friend who is in the same awkward position in life
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Best answer:

Answer by jealous elf
i think you think too much. just relax and don’t overanalyze the situation. instead of focusing on yourself, focus on others. give. volunteer. get to know your neighbors. join a social group or two (a real one, not an internet one). good luck.

ps: even married guys can gain beer bellies. :-)